Today

I feel like shit today. To make it a happy day, I headed over to Mango to get a pair of jeans. I have only one pair of jeans with me here (my other pairs of jeans are in the UK and the Philippines). My current one, clearly overused, is slowly unraveling and revealing (in tiny, distressed windows) the color of my underwear. 

Skinny jeans are here again, but I didn’t want anything to do with that 1980’s remake. I made that mistake once and never again! Skinny jeans are for skinny people and with MY hips…no way, it’s just a disaster on me. I opted instead for a nice dark blue pair of boyfriend trousers. Still sexy and chic, but balances my hips with a straight, slightly flared cut. It was my lucky day cause it only took an hour for them to alter the length. It can sometimes take days.

So I thought shopping would make my slump go away. Well, it didn’t. It was a shame cause it was such a sunny day, and I could have done something incredibly interesting and bloggable.

But I didn’t want to. I just wanted to go back to my apartment, clean my junk and have a sense of control over something – like the washing machine. 

It used to be that my ‘cure’ for my homesickness is to travel. Curiousity distracts me from Longing. But I can’t travel just yet…

I don’t want to think I’m losing my wanderlust. I just think that the sheer effort of getting up, smiling and appearing normal (instead of burning the phone lines at home and my brain with the wifi) is just exhausting me and I don’t want to be like this. I really don’t.

It’s a choice to make each day, to get out and not feel sorry for yourself. I go through these phases, several times a day: Step 1, count your blessings. Step 2 Accept that this is your choice and Step 3 Look around you. Discover little things that make that particular day different from the rest. Well I did just that.

Today is special because I talked to him for as long as I could this morning.

Today I noticed how people act totally different when they think you’re not looking (when I was really watching their reflections on the dark windows of the Metro).

Today I wished I bathed in the stormy rain of yesterday. Those rainy days in the Philippines, when the raindrops feel like tiny hands massaging you, the smell of earth and just being surrounded by it.

Today I can’t figure out where the hell the adaptor for my epilator is and how to quiet all the untamed hair that calls out for it. 

Today I bought neon post-its to stick to my small map of the city, with names and directions to restaurants and interesting places.

Today I will try and start documenting my ordinary days here.  My future self will thank me for it.